


I wanna sleep next to you (I wanna be close to you)

by Ambros



Series: 2x15 missing moments [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Feels, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Spoilers for s02e15, post s02e15, reaction fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-12-01 00:18:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11474637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambros/pseuds/Ambros
Summary: -On the fifth morning, Magnus stays.





	I wanna sleep next to you (I wanna be close to you)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!  
> This is a small reaction fic to yesterday's episode, I hope you enjoy it! Please let me know what you think :)  
> Title is from Talk Me Down by Troye Sivan!

You're trying to stay awake – which is pretty damn difficult because you're tired, bone-deep tired and you're afraid you'll fall asleep and you won't be there when he wakes up, with his nightmares and his memories and his sorrows, and you _need –_ you _need_ to be there.

 

His fingers are on your chest, barely touching your skin, and you slowly bring your hand up until your fingertips are touching his, the lights of the city soft through the windows.

 

His fingers twitch as he links them with yours, and a small breath leaves your lips as you whisper: -Can't sleep?-

 

He says: -You're not sleeping,- like it's an explanation, his voice rough with weariness, his fingers cold against the palm of your hand.

 

You turn on your back, slowly, and he lets you, adjusting his body accordingly, his legs between yours and his fingers in your hair as he looks at you, soft around the edges. You know you'd give anything to keep him like this, always; it's a knowledge that settles calmly in your chest, warm and deep.

 

You keep his fingers on your chest, skin on skin; it's always warm in Magnus' apartment but he doesn't seem to notice, wrapped in his silky pyjamas: -I was just thinking,- you say, and stop as you look for the right words, -How incredibly lucky I am that I found you.-

 

He stops breathing and it breaks your heart.

 

(Because you saw, you _saw_ how surprised he was, how hesitant, after he'd told you, after he'd taken everything he's ashamed and terrified of out of his chest and he'd allowed you to see it, you _saw_ how he didn't expect you to _touch him_ , how he'd looked almost grateful that you'd want to, and you think it might drive you insane if you think about it too much, because – because you are incredibly, unbelievably lucky that you found him, and he just _doesn't know_ , wouldn't believe it if he did.)

 

-I am,- you whisper, and he's still, so still besides you, -You changed my life and you made me better, _make_ me better, and – -, the lights are caught in his tears and your heart stops, slowly, so slowly you reach out to brush your palm against his cheek, -and you showed me so much of what's good in this world, and sometimes I can't believe that I actually found you.-

 

You are saying _I'm happy that you fought. I'm happy that you fought to stay alive_ and _I'm sorry that you had to fight_ and _I'm sorry that I wasn't there_ and _I would have fought alongside you._

 

Everything is still and quiet, like glass right before it shatters, and then his fingers are holding onto yours so tight as he curls around you, his head on your chest as he tries to breathe, but he presses his lips against the palm of your hand and it feels like peace.

 

*

 

(On the fifth morning, Magnus stays, with his nightmares and his shadows, and he stays.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi on [Tumblr](https://sometimesambroswrites.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
